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March 22, 2007 |
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| Book offers message of hope
for interfaith couples |
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Discussing differences openly is essential, says priest
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If marriage can be likened to a dance, then imagine the partners coming together, each knowing a different and separate dance step. While the effort could end in disaster, practice and care could make for unique and beautiful choreography. Such is the challenge and opportunity for couples who bring two faiths into one marriage.
In “When a Catholic Marries a Non-Catholic,” (St. Anthony Messenger Press) Fr. Robert J. Hater, a priest from the Archdiocese of Cincinnati, seeks to bring a positive message for the Catholic who enter into marriage with a spouse who is not.
The book is the result of Fr. Hater’s interest in and passion for returning Catholics to a better understand their own faith, their core beliefs, and how they may bring that understanding to build a home environment that exemplifies those beliefs.
With approximately 40 percent of all Catholic marriages falling into the category of mixed or interfaith, the book provides the church with insight into counseling engaged couples. Even though the Catholic Church — and for that matter, most Protestant faiths, as well as the Jewish and Greek Orthodox faiths — encourages marrying within one’s faith (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1621, #1631), the reality of the aforementioned statistic de-mands attention.
A professor of systematic and pastoral theology at the Athenaeum of Ohio/St. Mary’s Seminary in Cincinnati, Fr. Hater explained that the overall tenor of the book is hopeful.
“Although couples of equal faith are more evenly yoked, mixed couples can serve as models of the graces that marriage can offer,” he wrote, adding that there is an important distinction between viewing such unions as a problem versus having unique challenges and opportunities.
In a telephone interview with your Catholic Herald, Fr. Hater noted that “these challenges are just as valid for couples who are in equal faith marriages. The overall challenge is to deepen one’s faith by examining core beliefs, sharing them with your spouse and working to overcome differences.”
The book makes a distinction between denominational differences, which often involve some ritual and tradition, and core beliefs, which can often lead to common ground. “When a Catholic Marries a Non-Catholic” describes a few couples who, after some counseling and examination, realize that the differences in their faiths lie closer to the surface. Individual core beliefs are much closer, they learn, and provide a basis for building their faith.
Common core beliefs can mean the couple has better tools to deal with the differences between them.
“When we start with core beliefs, we gain greater insights into who we are and what we believe, which is often in opposition to what society teaches, and that is to not think too deeply,” Fr. Hater explained.
For interfaith couples, these challenges are enhanced, but not insurmountable, he noted.
“Most, if not all, non-Catholics view marriage as a holy union, and a covenantal union between themselves and God, and by that they are graced unions,” Fr. Hater said. “What we need to understand is that there are fundamental questions that come up in interfaith marriages that have to be looked at. Questions relating to the meaning of life and suffering, and we have to understand that the Jewish tradition, the Muslim tradition, each has an approach to these questions.”
For Catholics and baptized non-Catholics, Fr. Hater adds that the sacramentality of the marriage adds a supernatural grace, and a power to fulfill tasks. This is not to say these are easier marriages, but the commonality of baptism provides a greater basis from which couples can build their own faiths.
What needs to be emphasized, he said, is that a marriage’s success often rests on whether the spouses are willing to be open about their beliefs, and be willing to explore them. The idea in a mixed or interfaith marriage is that, knowing there will be differences, the time to begin discussing them openly and honestly is during the engagement, so that potential for conflict can be understood and prayerfully worked through.
The opportunity becomes one of deepening faith, and a commitment to raising children in an environment where faith is openly demonstrated, celebrated and made paramount in family life. Fr. Hater felt that point could not be stressed enough.
“What we need to do today is re-establish a Catholic home environment if there are two Catholic spouses,” he said. “If it’s a mixed faith marriage, the couple needs to establish a religious or spiritual home environment, taking into account both religions.”
“Young people are looking for spirituality, for their religious identity and roots. It becomes our task, then, to create such an environment for our young people,” the priest said.
According to Fr. Hater, “When a Catholic Marries a Non-Catholic” has received early positive comments, mainly from parish ministers who felt the message of the book could serve all couples seeking marriage in the church, even couples sharing the same faith.
“I’m pleased so far at the response, especially because I feel the role of the parish minister is so crucial,” he said. “It’s that first impression on a couple that can really make the difference, and if we are open and welcoming to all, that can help to set a positive tone for their engagement counseling and faith journeys.” |
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