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March 22, 2007 |
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| Couples have role
in preparing wedding liturgy |
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Rite of marriage presents couples as ministers of sacrament
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| John and Vicky Werner, married at St. Francis de Sales Church in Lake Geneva last September, took an active role in planning their wedding liturgy. “We really did understand our role in the wedding liturgy,” said John. (Catholic Herald photo by Karen Mahoney) |
When reflecting on weddings attended, the focus often swathes the aesthetic signs rather than the spiritual significance. Perhaps it is the color of the dresses. Or it could be the modern songs, glittering decorations or the reception.
Unfortunately, the most important aspect of the wedding often receives the least amount of attention. Despite the Catholic Church’s concentration on the spiritual significance of the day — it’s the drive of consumerism that often outshines the mysticism of the sacrament.
Since the Second Vatican Council, the church has supported couples in personalizing their ceremony with Scripture readings and music of their choosing. In fact, the church’s rite of marriage presents the couple as ministers of the sacrament of marriage and invites their participation in the preparation of the wedding liturgy.
Marriage ritual requires preparation
As a sacrament of vocation and commitment, the marriage ritual requires much preparation, especially in comprehending that marriage is a lifelong covenant. In pre-Cana or marriage instruction, the church assists couples in understanding and appreciating the responsibilities of that covenant.
While many couples spend the majority of their time planning the reception that follows the sacrament, the church rarely focuses on planning the wedding reception. If anything, instruction directs couples to understand the reception to be an extension of the eucharistic table and a preview of the heavenly banquet, rather than overshadowing its significance with an extravagant party atmosphere.
Many couples are surprised to learn that although the priest’s presence is cherished in the sacrament, his role is not central. According to the Rite of Marriage, he is there to witness and preside in the formation of the contract based in civil law. Many couples have no comprehension of their role and the priest’s role in the sacrament, according to Fr. Steven Amann, pastor of St. Charles Borromeo Parish in Burlington.
“Couples usually do not understand that fact, so we generally have to talk about it,” he said, “The most common thing I hear from couples is the question, ‘Will you marry me?’ and I always joke with them that, I am sorry, the church says I have to be celibate.”
Following the initial meeting with the couple to fill out legal papers, decide on a date, explain the rules and regulations and what marriage is about, Fr. Amann works with the couple on examining their compatibility and comprehending the significance of the sacrament itself.
Symbol in marriage is couple, not rings
“Many couples just see their marriage ceremony as a regular Mass and I think they see the symbol in the marriage as the rings,” he said. “But in reality, the symbol is the couple, and they often don’t get that at all.”
In working with the engaged who are preparing for marriage, Fr. Donald Thimm, pastor of St. Anne Parish in Pleasant Prairie, has also explained the role as ministers of the sacrament to, sometimes, very surprised Catholics.
“Most couples getting married in the church do not understand this,” he said. “So my discussions with couples and some printed materials I have found helpful are the strategies I use to develop a couple’s understanding of the sacrament of marriage and the reasons for various rituals in the wedding liturgy. Many of the customary rituals in weddings no longer reflect the current experience.”
While larger parishes often utilize deacons or lay persons to assist in marriage preparation, Fr. Amann prepares the couple himself and assists them in planning a meaningful liturgy.
“We don’t have a lot of weddings here at St. Charles, so I choose to work with the couples myself,” he said. “At one of our meetings, I give the couple a booklet which lays out typical readings and responsorial psalms for weddings. They can actually pick out any readings they want, but normally they will pick out of this booklet.”
Werners plan their wedding liturgy
Before John and Vicky Werner got married on Sept. 25, 2006, they spent much of their time planning their liturgy. With both active in ministry at their home parish of St. Francis de Sales in Lake Geneva, they wanted to draw upon as much rich symbolism in the celebration as possible.
“We really did understand our role in the wedding liturgy because I have a background in seminary studies,” John said. “We picked out our readings, acclamations and responsorial psalms and told Fr. Terry Huebner what we wanted and he had no problem with our choices.”
The couple worked with Gregory Buchberger, director of liturgy and music at St. Francis de Sales, in selecting appropriate music.
“There wasn’t any problem with the music we chose,” admitted Vicky. “We did joke that we wanted the choir to sing ‘Tiny Bubbles’ because John sang that when he was a kid, but they wouldn’t let us get away with that one.”
Most parishes offer close consultation between the music director and the couple in choosing appropriate music, said Fr. Thimm.
“The couples are directly involved with the selection of music if they choose,” he said. “Our parish music director provides options of appropriate music for a wedding liturgy.”
As a member of the adult contemporary choir, Vicky treasured her fellow choir members worshipping and celebrating in their liturgy, but was not prepared for a special gift to her and John.
“We were so honored to have them sing at our wedding,” she said, “But we didn’t expect some former members to drive up from Ohio to sing a duet at our wedding. That was so cool and we had no clue that this was going to happen.”
As ministers of their wedding, John and Vicky appreciated the role because it not only gave them control of their liturgy, it gave more meaning to the sacrament. In addition to readings and music, the couple chose ushers, extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist, lectors, and young members of the family to bring the gifts to the altar.
“It was really neat to have the kids bring up the gifts,” Vicky said, “I just wish we could have seen more of everything; thankfully, we have lots of pictures.”
As an added blessing, the couple was given permission by Fr. Huebner for Deacon Hank Iwan of St. Benedict Parish in Fontana to assist at their wedding Mass.
“We knew Deacon Hank from our mission work to Slidell, La., for hurricane relief, so we really wanted him involved in our wedding,” Vicky said. “It was a beautiful day and it turned out exactly the way we wanted it.” |
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