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| Elizabeth Utschig and David Goldsmith are pictured with their parents, Paul and Mary Utschig, left, and Nancy and Sheldon Goldsmith, in the sanctuary of St. Catherine Church in Milwaukee. Elizabeth, who is Catholic, and David, who is Jewish, were married there in 2002. The couple was married under a Jewish wedding canopy called a chuppah. (Photo courtesy of Elizabeth Utschig) |
When Frances Kautzer and Norman Darkow were married in a Catholic ceremony in Milwaukee several decades ago, they exchanged their vows in the parish house rather than the parish church.
The young couple (this writer’s mother- and father-in-law) were relegated to the rectory because they professed different religious traditions — what was then known as a mixed marriage. Priests might bless such unions in the first half of the 20th Century, but they weren’t necessarily ecstatic about doing so.
Much has changed since the 1930s ... and ’40s and ’50s. For one thing, the vague and rather pejorative term “mixed marriage” has been discarded in favor of “interfaith marriage.” For another, such marriages commonly take place in a church and sometimes — with complete Catholic sanction — in a non-Catholic church (see sidebar story).
Yet, matrimony remains a demanding proposition for all who embrace it; perhaps even more demanding for couples of differing faith traditions. Recently, your Catholic Herald invited three individuals — a Milwaukee archdiocesan chancery office employee, a deacon and a Catholic woman in an interfaith marriage — to comment on the challenges such marriages present and how prospective obstacles might be overcome.
Interfaith marriages
present challenges
As an administrative assistant in the chancery, Marge Fischer processes marriage cases for approval by the chancellor or vice chancellor and others delegated by the archbishop. Away from work, she and her husband serve as a FOCCUS couple, helping the engaged prepare for marriage.
“I see the challenge for either party, the Catholic or non-Catholic, as being one of continuing to be active in the practice of their own faith,” said Fischer. “Oftentimes, both partners give up the practice of their faith. Sharing a faith life in their home after marriage would help in encouraging the continued practice of each individual’s faith in their own church, whether Catholic or non-Catholic, along with strengthening their marriage relationship. Also, visiting each other’s church for worship together periodically might help.”
Deacon Ralph Kornburger, a husband and veteran presenter at enrichment programs for engaged couples, echoed Fischer’s remarks. Identifying an interfaith couple’s “first challenge” as “understanding and recognizing the presence of God in the here and now,” Deacon Kornburger indicated that both the Catholic and non-Catholic members of interfaith couples he’s encountered haven’t always “kept current ... with their traditional religious upbringing, which creates misunderstanding and confusion with what was taught as truth.”
The deacon noted that “religious customs are some of the larger obstacles” in interfaith relationships. He added, “Basically, couples struggle with finding an acceptable place to worship together. Pastoral counseling, clergy presence and openness to making them feel comfortable, accepted and welcome enables them to be where they are on their faith journey.”
Making interfaith marriages work
Transplanted Milwaukeean Elizabeth Utschig, now a resident of Fredericksburg, Va., has been married for four years to David Goldsmith; the couple have two children: 3-year-old Sarah and 3-month-old Joshua (who will be baptized at St. Catherine Church in Milwaukee — as was his sister — over the Labor Day weekend).
In an e-mail interview, Utschig prefaced discussion of her family’s challenge-coping with a depiction of the family’s faith life.
“I am a practicing Catholic,” Utshig wrote. “David is Jewish but not practicing, but faith is important in both our families. As a result, we have decided to do what we can to strengthen our children’s ties in both families and traditions. In addition to baptism, we have had a baby naming/welcome ceremony with David’s family for each child.
“The children are being raised Catholic, with a strong appreciation for Jewish tradition and culture,” Utschig continued. “David’s parents have celebrated Passover with us and other holidays ... David comes to church with me when we are visiting family and for really important feast days when I ask him.
We are blessed with the support of our parents and families in these choices.”
According to Utschig, the biggest challenge as an interfaith couple “is to keep asking the questions and keep the topic of practice of faith before us. Sometimes this is as basic as deciding which day we will keep as a Sabbath day; but we agree it is important to have one day of rest, play and family time. And David knows that the practice of my faith is essential to who I am, so we structure our weekends to make it possible for me to get to Mass. Sarah comes, too. Especially now with a new baby at home it has become important to her to have that special time alone with me.”
Catholic party makes declaration
According to information provided by Cindy Bremeier, wedding coordinator at Milwaukee’s St. Gregory the Great Parish, and by Fischer, the Catholic party in an interfaith marriage is required to make a declaration (“I affirm my faith in Jesus Christ and, with the help of God, intend to continue living that faith in the Catholic Church”) and a promise (“I promise to do all I can to share the faith I have received with our children by having them baptized and reared as Catholics”).
After he’s accepted the written or spoken declaration and promise, the priest indicates his ability to certify that the Catholic has made them — and that he, the priest, is morally certain they were made in good faith and that the non-Catholic party has been informed of them and of the responsibility the Catholic has in fulfilling them.
Interfaith marriages may well be on the rise, if Elizabeth Utschig’s experience is a valid barometer.
“We did all of our pre-Cana prep in Washington, D.C.,” she said. “I’d say over half the couples on the Engaged Encounter weekend were interfaith — and not just Jewish/Christian. Overall the church has been supportive.” |
