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| (Catholic Herald computer graphic by Tom Berk. Source material, Liquid Library, Clipart.com) |
Lindsay Lohan is caught drinking and driving. Paris Hilton serves time in jail. Michael Vick admits his role in a dogfighting ring. Are these icons all that our youth have as role models? Child psychologist Amy Schley says a resounding “no.”
Parents will be happy to know their opinions count, and when they least expect it, their children are watching and modeling them.
“I think most teenagers are looking at the antics of Paris Hilton ... and think, ‘Get a life,’” said Schley, who sees and counsels numerous children each year. Parents are a child’s first role model, she added, and “the important thing is that we remember that we are going to be replicated in many ways. If they see their parents having integrity, I think they will do likewise.”
It is easy to understand why parents may harbor anxiety as they try to raise their children in a godly manner. From bad behavior to bad language, Hollywood exposes youth to lifestyles contrary to what churches and most parents teach. So, what can parents do to ensure that their children find decent role models who encourage healthy and moral development?
Surround children with faith-filled models
Surround your children from the beginning with individuals who have integrity, said Susan Mountin, director of the Manresa Project at Marquette, who spent 25 years in university ministry before heading the project which encourages students to explore vocation.
“When you choose the godparents, choose people who are faithful and good role models,” she explained. Then make sure there are numerous occasions throughout the child’s life for interaction with his or her godparents, she added.
In addition, she warns parents to be careful whom they choose as friends and whom they allow in their homes. Ask yourself, “Do your friends share your values,” she said. If guests use bad language and get drunk, for example, your children may pick up some of that behavior.
Brookfield mother Heather Butkiewicz and her husband Chris are raising two children – Tristan, 7, and Kalista, 3. While children may idolize Hollywood icons, she said, they really look to those closest to them in their lives for their role models.
“I think children might idolize them. They’re cool and interesting,” she said. “They want to dress like them. But when it comes down to their values, it’s from the church they attend, their parents ... because those are the people they talk to. Those are the ones they respect and who they don’t want to disappoint. They don’t form a relationship with Britney Spears.”
She added, “Parents have the ultimate power of what (and who) they allow into their household,” from people and television shows, to magazines and video games.
Mountin agrees and likes to use the phrase, “garbage in; garbage out.” Whatever one brings into the lives of their children may eventually come out in their behavior.
Engage in family activities
That sentiment helped the Butkiewiczes decide to join tae kwon do as a family. There, they are exposed to core values, including integrity, perseverance, self-control, courtesy and indomitable spirit.
Tristan has found a role model in Master Chan Lee.
“He knows lots of stuff and he knows lots of forms,” Tristan said about Lee. “He is a really good tae kwon do person.”
Although she liked Boy George and Michael Jackson as she was growing up, Heather – like Tristan – found her role model in her day-to-day life.
“My role model ended up being my dad,” Heather said. “He was always fair and he always told the truth. And he worked hard.” She said she tries to instill those same qualities in herself and her children.
Thirteen-year-old Bobby Kolb has several role models, including one of his homeroom teachers at St. John Vianney School, Brookfield.
“She was just really like stuck to good virtues and stuff,” he said. “She was a really good person and she was a really nice person. She taught math, too, and she would focus on the individual.”
The other role model for the football player is Brett Favre – but not for his prowess on the field. Instead, Bobby looks up to Favre for the compassion in his heart.
“He has a lot of money and he could spend it anyway he wants, but he helps people,” Bobby said.
Like mother, like son
Apparently the adage, “Like mother, like son,” is true for Bobby and his mom, Linda. She never looked to Favre as a role model; rather she looked to her eighth-grade teacher.
“She seemed patient and encouraging,” Linda said. “She just seemed like she enjoyed what she did; she enjoyed being a teacher.”
Linda said the influence of this teacher may be one of the reasons she became a teacher. She admitted she also idolized Brooke Shields a bit.
“I think we had an English teacher at Tosa East who asked us who our hero was and I think I picked Brooke Shields,” Linda recalled. “I don’t even know why. She was young. I had glasses and short hair and I probably wanted to look more like her.”
As an adult, Linda sees how young girls might look to Hollywood icons for their sense of style. As a parent, this is one of her biggest fears, especially as the mother of 8-year-old Stephanie.
“I worry about girls more than I do boys as far as Hollywood image,” said Linda, who, along with husband, Tim, also has a 3-year-old son, Patrick.
“That’s probably my biggest concern – being able to shelter them when it comes to the clothes that they wear,” she said.
As a student at St. John Vianney School, Stephanie wore a uniform, but this fall, she will attend a public school.
“I want her to be neat and clean,” Linda said. “They are representing themselves and they are representing their families.”
While she thinks Stephanie will wear appropriate clothing, Linda realizes this may change as she becomes older.
“I’m going to keep an open mind with her,” she said. “If she really wants to buy a $45 shirt, then she’s going to have to spend her own, hard-earned money on it. It really becomes more valuable when they pay for it.”
When children get to the stage where they are overly concerned with their clothes – usually somewhere around middle school – Schley suggests setting standards, but also compromising.
“I really do think that there are some standards that you set for your own home,” she said. “If your child is doing something way outlandish like Gothic, (perhaps they could) earn the privilege to wear their duds once a week.”
Mountin suggests talking with your children and asking them to critique the clothing and culture, noting parents might be surprised by what they say. Most importantly, she said, parents need to spend quality time with their children and let them know how important they are to them. Then, they will look to their parents more often for their approval and opinion.
Today, she explained, many children “look to these entertainment people because they don’t feel like anyone cares about them.” |
