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When
praying with children,
allow wiggle room
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Parents
offer advice on nurturing prayer lives of young
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CHILDREN
IN PRAYER — Children pray near
a painting of Mary and the child Jesus during
a Mass at the Schoenstatt Center in Waukesha
last fall. Author Julie McCarty writes that
there are many ways to nurture the prayer life
of children. (Catholic Herald photo by Sam
Lucero)
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Spring is a good time to inventory the prayer life of
our children. Do we pray with our kids? How often? Why
or why not?
Unlike soccer or scouting, prayer is more than an extracurricular activity. Just
as nutritious food, sleep, and fresh air are essential for our children’s
physical development, prayer is essential for growing healthy souls.
There are many ways to nurture the prayer life of children. Here are tips from
three families:
Talk about God in positive ways. Granite Bay, Calif., resident, Mary Wurster,
mother of four, suggests bringing up Jesus in ordinary conversation. For example,
a parent can ask a young child, “Did you know that Jesus had a mommy and
daddy just like you?” Jesus, she observes, is easier for most children
to comprehend than the vaguer notion of God.
Start simple. A father of four children, ages 9-16, Bart Tesoriero of Phoenix,
Ariz., advises parents to start simply: “Don’t try to pray a whole
rosary with your children or take them to an hour of adoration. Depending on
their ages, pray simply.” Gradually build from one Hail Mary to one decade
of the rosary per night.
Use the five senses. Catholics like to pray using sacramentals, that is, objects
like candles, holy water, sacred images, and music. Lita Friesen of Minneapolis,
mother of two young children, told me that using the “hands on” approach
is especially important. Lita and her husband, Mickey, have various seasonal
prayer activities for their family. Each night during Advent, when the children
are in their pajamas, they light a candle and cuddle while listening to the song “Night
of Silence.” (The parents seemed a little tired of this, but not the kids!)
On Holy Thursday, they wash each other’s feet, including the dog’s
paws. In the autumn, they write their hopes for the future on leaves, bury them,
and plant bulbs that will appear in the spring.
Make prayer part of the daily routine. Mealtime and bedtime seem to be the best
times for families to pray together. Wurster recounts that she sang a simple
blessing song to her infants just before lying them down in their cribs. This
made bedtime a natural time for prayer as the children grew older.
Give them “wiggle room.” Although you want to teach your children
attitudes proper to prayer, it is also important to remember they are still learning.
Better to have them “hang over a couch or lie down on the floor and pray,
than to kneel up straight and resist (the genuine spirit of) prayer especially
in the teen years,” suggests Tesoriero.
Allowing for wiggle room may boost the child’s creativity in prayer, too.
One day, Mickey Friesen walked into a room and saw his young daughter, Chloe,
dancing. When he asked her why she was dancing, she responded enthusiastically, “That’s
the way I pray!”
Take advantage of “prayerful moments.” The parents I consulted encouraged
spontaneous prayers in the midst of everyday living. Wurster mentioned praying
together briefly when the family hears an ambulance, or praying for a child who
is scared (so he or she will realize that Jesus is with them when mom or dad
can’t be). Tesoriero told of praying “over their little owies” each
time they put on a Band-Aid.
Mickey Friesen said parents can comment aloud “What a beautiful day — thank
you, God!” while walking a child outdoors. Include prayer in sad times,
too, when you visit a grandparent’s grave, see someone hurt on TV, or discover
a dead rabbit in the backyard. This helps children realize God is with them even
in hard times.
Nurture the right kind of quiet and solitude. Parents agreed that children need
a bit of quiet and solitude in order to develop spiritually. This is not easy
to foster in a culture that values noise and constant activity. Additionally,
there is the legitimate concern that children might confuse healthy silence with
the “silent treatment” or with being punished (as in “time-out”).
Parents suggested turning off the media, using candles, soft music, or quiet
spiritual reading together as ways to develop pre-skills for solitude. Keeping “time-out” places
in the house separate from prayer places is another way to keep the two types
of silence distinct, notes Wurster.
Pray yourself. “Like the apostles who watched Jesus pray, our children
learn from our example. Don’t pray to be noticed, but do pray,” insists
Tesoriero. When your kids see you going to Mass, reading Scripture on the couch,
or asking God for forgiveness, they will naturally gravitate toward praying on
their own.
(McCarty is a freelance writer from Eagan, Minn., whose syndicated column
on
prayer, “The Prayerful Heart,” appears in diocesan newspapers around
the country. Contact her at <soulwriting@yahoo.com> |
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