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February.
2005
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Divorce
means it’s not the same Kansas |
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James
Pankratz
Special to Parenting |
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This time when 12-year-old Dorothy returned home from
the land of Oz, she got quite a shock.
When she walked through that now famous door back into
the familiar farmhouse, she found things had changed.
The furniture had been replaced to suit someone else’s
taste. Auntie Em was there all right, but who was that
man sitting in Uncle Henry’s easy chair? Auntie
Em stooped down to give her the bad news: “Uncle
Henry and I are splittin’ up.” Dorothy shook
her head in disbelief.
“
Where’s Zeke, Hunk and Hickory?” she cried.
“
The farmhands left with Uncle Henry. They’re all
livin’ a couple miles down the road at the old
Cooper place. You can visit them on weekends. From now
on Clem will be working the farm for me.” Auntie
Em smiled at the man nestled in the stuffed chair.
“
And one more thing, Dorothy. Clem here has allergies
... real bad. I’m afraid Toto will have to go.”
“
I hate you!” Dorothy screamed at Auntie Em and
ran to her bedroom. She collapsed on her bed and sobbed.
She begged the Good Witch Glinda to take her back to
Oz. But no one came, except for a tall man standing in
her doorway. It was Auntie Em’s new friend.
“
You go downstairs and apologize to your aunt this minute.” Dorothy
covered her head with her arms. He stepped closer. “Do
you hear me, young lady?”
Dorothy’s head shot up. “I don’t have
to listen to you! You’re not my father. You’re
not even my uncle. You’re nobody!”
Before he could react, Dorothy ran out of the farmhouse
with Toto in hot pursuit.
She kept running, tears streaming down her cheeks. She
felt like something bigger than the twister had torn
up her life again. She never looked back until she came
to the doorstep of the wagon of Professor Marvel.
The kindly old man heard the crying and put down the
book he was reading to poke his head out the window.
“
My word, Dorothy, come in, come in!” he said as
he opened the door.
When Dorothy sat down, Toto jumped into her lap. She
hugged him tight.
“
What’s the matter?” asked the professor.
“
Can you get me back to Oz? I want to go back to Oz!” Dorothy
demanded.
“
But there’s no place like home,” said the
wise professor.
“
That’s just it. Home isn’t home now. Auntie
Em and Uncle Henry are getting a divorce. And ever since
Auntie Em has met her new friend, she’s acting
like Miss Gulch!”
“
I heard that!” shouted Auntie Em, who was climbing
up the stairs of the wagon with Clem. “I thought
we’d find the disobedient youngster here. Come
home now!”
“
Just a minute. Everyone sit down,” said Professor
Marvel. “I’ve got a few things to say.” Suddenly
Professor Marvel spoke with authority and surprised the
family.
“
Em and Clem, I don’t believe this is a problem
that can be solved through time outs and groundings.
It can’t be solved just by discipline. The problem
is loss.
“
First, Dorothy lost her folks, and now the only real
parents she’s ever known are getting a divorce.
Can you try to look at this from Dorothy’s point
of view? What’s she losing?”
“
A lot of things, I suppose,” said Auntie Em. “Security,
Uncle Henry’s bedtime stories, the familiar routine
... and Toto.” Auntie Em looked at Dorothy.
“ When people lose what and who is important to them, they go through stages
of grief, like denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. One day after a long
journey they might get to acceptance. You and Clem have the right to get together,
Em, but Dorothy has the right to feel the way she does about it. For her it feels
like a loss, not a gain. And you’d be wise, Clem, to act like a friend
to her, not a disciplinarian.”
“
I didn’t know you were a professor of psychology,” said Clem.
Dorothy hugged Professor Marvel. “Thank you, professor. Now if I click
my ruby slippers together and wish real hard, can you fix it so that Auntie Em
and Uncle Henry are back together again?”
The professor took her hands. “I’m a professor, not a wizard, Dorothy.
We’re all going to have to find a way to live in Kansas.”
(Pankratz is a marriage and family therapist at Catholic Charities Milwaukee
regional office.) |
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