 |
May
2004 |
 |
Finding
a rainbow after death, divorce, loss |
|
Program
helps children overcome painful family transitions |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
BUILDING SELF ESTEEM — School
Sister of St. Francis Mary Therese Brunner talks
to St. Josaphat School students Alexis Reyes, left,
Chevy Stelloh and d Paula Moreno. The three fourth
graders participate in a grief support program
called Rainbows. (Catholic Herald photo by Sam
Lucero)
|
|
|
MILWAUKEE — Paula Moreno
looks forward to talking about feelings. Chevy Stelloh
knows she is getting better
at attitudes and checking temper tantrums. Alexis Reyes
was sad when her dad left, but now she’s happy
because her mom is getting married next summer and she
will have a new dad.
These fourth graders are some of the children at St.
Josaphat School in Milwaukee who have benefited from
Rainbows, a grief support program that provides a bridge
to emotional healing for children in grades kindergarten
through eight who are confronting death, divorce, and
other painful family transitions.
Rainbows is an international organization designed to
help the nearly 69 percent of children in the United
States who live in a non-traditional family coping with
some type of loss.
Randy Nohl, director of the office for adult and family
ministry, coordinates the Rainbows program for the Archdiocese
of Milwaukee.
Parishes or schools interested
in starting or reinstating the program should
contact the department of adult and family
ministry at (414) 769-3440.
|
“ The program began (in 1983) out of Illinois. The
Milwaukee Archdiocese was the first diocese to pick it
up,” said
Nohl. “At the time, there was very little offered
for families going through divorce. (Rainbows) really
flourished in the late 80s and early 90s. Pretty much
every district had a Rainbows program going at some parish.
Originally, it was intended for children who had experienced
a death in the family (and then included other loss such
as divorce). The feedback was very positive.”
The two main goals are building positive self-esteem
and helping children identify and establish their own
self-esteem, according to Nohl. Anger at what happened
to their family is expressed in different ways. The sadness
they feel is difficult as they don’t know how to
deal with emotions, he said. Parents aren’t able
to help because they have their own feelings they’re
dealing with. Families need an interested, objective
outside source.
“Across the board, when there is a divorce or death, the child still takes
on the responsibility (for what happened), even though there is no connection.
With Rainbows, they’re not alone. (The program) assures them they’re
not to blame,” added Nohl.
|
Silver Linings reaches out to children of deployed
personnel
Pilot support group addresses a need, says coordinator
|
SHEBOYGAN — Silver Linings, a new six
week pilot support group for children whose parents are deployed in the
military, has been implemented in the Sheboygan/Plymouth area, in conjunction
with the Rainbow Kids program.
“ Oh, yes, it was needed,” said director-coordinator Judie Meise,
after the first class, “We had to do so much more work and prep. There
was no exact precedent. We are so much more aware that we must listen. Silver
Linings is really going well here and I hope that other areas will try to get
this going, too.
“ One thing we are seeing is that these kids do not have anyone to talk
to about their situation. This material allows them to get support from others who are experiencing the same crisis event they are,” added
Meise. “These kids don’t know each other, but they have a common
bond.
The discussion and their time for journaling have been so good for them.... We
can help to make a difference in the lives of the children whose loved ones are
deployed in the military.”
Fourteen children (ages five through 13) and nine adults are enrolled in the
Silver Linings program that began April 17. The ecumenical program is hosted
by First United Lutheran Church in Sheboygan, one of 28 churches in that area
that alternate hosting the Rainbow Kids programs.
The program is expected to continue in response to any emerging community crisis,
such as flood, tornado, fire or traumatic illness.
The regular Sheboygan-area Rainbow Kids programs run for 14 weeks with four opportunities
during the school year at four different churches. Volunteers come from the participating
churches.
The Rainbows program was established in 1988 in the Sheboygan/Plymouth area and
PRISM (for parents) in 2000. To date, they have served 1,771 children and youth
and 194 adults in this part of the archdiocese.
– Joan King |
Rainbows is worked into the school day twice a week at St. Josaphat School
in Milwaukee, at library or recess time, by School Sister of St. Francis Mary
Therese Brunner, who had formerly worked with the program at St. Matthias School,
Milwaukee. There are four age levels beginning with kindergarten. They start
12 sessions in the fall, take a break over the holidays and then continue with
another 12 sessions. Nineteen students are enrolled in the program this year.
While it recently concluded for the school year, Sr. Brunner provided a sample
session with three fourth-graders as they played a board game. Each square
identified an emotion, so whatever square the die landed on, the student was
asked to share the last time they had that feeling.
“
The most recent time I was proud was yesterday, because I got an ‘A’ on
my spelling test and my math test,” said Moreno. (Why?) “Because
I studied.”
“
It’s so wonderful to be proud of that ‘why,’” said
Sr. Brunner. “It’s hard to understand (what each girl is going
through), but they have shared and become friends.”
Stelloh’s favorite page in the Rainbows book is about God’s message
that “teaches me about friends, not to be mean, but to be nice and helpful
and kind.”
When asked, “Who has done something special for you most recently?,” Reyes
said her best friends brought a special treat for her birthday, Stelloh noted
that “Paula keeps the boys from picking on me by saying ‘leave
her alone’”and Moreno thinks of her mom, “who makes my breakfast,
washes my clothes and does everything for me.”
Another Rainbows group meets at St. Leonard Parish in Muskego on the first
and third Thursday nights, October to May. The present two-year program is
a collaborative effort with St. Joseph Parish
in Big Bend, St. Mary Parish in Hales Corners, St. Elizabeth Seton and Holy Apostles
parishes in New Berlin. There are two facilitators for the 12 children who
attend.
Rainbows makes them feel “not alone,” according to Lisa Jachimiec
who oversees this program. “The family structure has changed (because of
a death or divorce or separation) but that can be for the good. It’s better
to be there at the beginning (of a series) but students can come in at any time.
Each week’s hourlong session is a separate topic such as trust or self-esteem. “It’s
always a wonderful experience. The kids have a good time. It’s a neat bonding
experience. They help each other.” Jachimiec also provides Prism (peer
support group for single parents and step-parents) during the same time slot.
The program at St. Margaret Mary Parish in Milwaukee is also a collaborative
effort with St. John Vianney and St. Dominic in Brookfield, St. Joseph in Wauwatosa
and St. Mary in Elm Grove. They meet in the evenings with an eight-week session
in the fall and spring. A parents’ group meets at the same time and deals
with its own issues of loss.
“Trouble in school could be caused by other things happening in their lives.
They can learn from each other,” said group director Dawn Ubl.
“
Families return. The kids enjoy it. They talk about how they feel. They can talk
to others and feel they’re not alone. They learn there are no bad feelings,
just things they need to work through and find a way to deal with to continue
to feel good. We train them to deal with how they’re feeling,” added
Ubl.
“
It’s different than therapy as they do things in a group — discussion,
projects, games — and can speak freely. We try to put the word out that
it’s available and all are welcome. The kids enjoy it.”
Nohl said, “Over the years, less and less parishes were using it, so there
are not as many (programs) now. The families still involved are finding it very
beneficial in dealing with death and loss. I would like to see it reinstated
in parishes.”
There are 13 active sites in the archdiocese, seven of them in the greater Milwaukee
area. Nearly 10,000 children have benefited in the almost 20 years of the archdiocesan
program.
The archdiocese provides training for the Rainbows program which usually starts
in the fall. |
|
