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‘May
I kiss you?’
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Author,
speaker conveys healthy approach to dating |
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HALES
CORNERS — Society bombards us with messages
about sexuality. Scantily clad celebrities and television
programs and movies laden with sexually suggestive scenes
are commonplace.
Take heart, however. Though our popular culture sends
out complex and confusing signals, parents can focus
on basic issues of respect and consent to help our kids
make the right decisions.
To help clarify issues, Mike Domitrz, husband, father
of four and a parishioner at St. Mary Parish in Hales
Corners, has spoken on dating, respect and sexual assault
to youth in middle school through college, and even professional
athletes, for 14 years.
His journey began in 1989 at college in Chicago, where
a call from home “abruptly halted his world.”
“
My mom called to tell me that my sister, Cheri, had been
brutally raped,” Domitrz recalled. The ensuing
two years would take him from “wanting to kill
my sister’s rapist to questioning myself and saying, ‘Am
I any better?’”
Domitrz moved to Whitewater in 1990, and attended college
there where he heard a speaker on sexual assault whose
definition of the act gave Domitrz pause.
“
He defined sexual assault as any sexual contact without
consent. I took a look at myself and I realized that I
hadn’t always asked permission before touching someone.
How did that make me any different from the man who attacked
my sister?”
In early 1991, Domitrz, a nationally recognized expert
on healthy dating, consent, and sexual assault awareness,
began lecturing on the topic. For the next two years, he
presented the program in high schools and colleges.
Domitrz stepped out of full-time speaking in 1993 and developed
a speaking program on team building based on a coaching
position he held at that time.
However, the call to speak on the issue most personal to
Domitrz never diminished. After attending a national speakers’ convention
in the summer of 2002, he went back to speaking full time
on dating, consent and respect.
By January of 2003, Domitrz had written “May I Kiss
You,” a book, which mirrored his speaking program
and focused on dating, communication, respect and sexual
assault awareness. The program is one of the hottest tickets
on the speaking circuit, but for Domitrz, it’s been
a calling to a ministry.
“
I do feel the work I do is a calling. The traveling never
gets tiring because I know I’m going somewhere to
get the opportunity to inspire some new way of thinking
in a young person’s mind,” said Domitrz, although
he admitted, “I don’t change anybody — people
change themselves. All I’m trying to do is ignite
a fire, plant a seed that they will take care of and nourish.
Every day before I go on stage, I thank God for this opportunity
to make a difference in people’s lives.”
However, Domitrz admitted the program can often be misunderstood. “Parents
hear ‘sex’ and they think the program is on
sex, and that their child doesn’t need to be exposed
to it. If they actually hear the program, they’ll
realize it’s about creating higher standards for
people of all ages,” he explained. “If young
people applied this philosophy to their lives, the amount
of sexual activity in their age range would decrease dramatically
because people would hold themselves to higher standards … and
they would realize that they weren’t ready for this
very special act between two people.”
In addition, he said, “Parents need to ask themselves, ‘How
am I role modeling?’ Periodically, when you want
to kiss your partner, right before you do so, say ‘May
I have a kiss?’ Your kids may laugh and say, ‘Why’re
you doing that?’ but that’s healthy and it
makes a point for conversation.”
Domitrz recently spoke to middle school students at St.
Mary Elementary School in Hales Corners. The answers they
gave to questions proved they pay attention to the media — and
get the wrong message.
He asked the students to come up with anything that had
been said of Kobe Bryant. The Los Angeles Laker star had
been charged with sexually assaulting an employee of the
hotel at which he was staying. They couldn’t say
much negative beyond that.
However, when asked about what negative things were said
about the victim, the responses, included, “She had
a lot of boyfriends in the past,” “She went
to his room to see him” and “She’s mental.”
As Domitrz pointed out, “sexual assault is the only
crime where society blames the victim for not stopping
the crime. If you get mugged, no one’s going to blame
you if you can’t stop the crime from happening.”
After many of Domitrz’s programs, he receives e-mails
from kids who “explain situations they have been
in that are horrific — they can’t tell their
parents or their teachers because they’re afraid
of how they’ll be treated. We get into the schools
and tell them, ‘It’s not your fault, you’re
not alone and the way you feel now is OK’, and they’re
saying, ‘Finally — someone’s saying what
I’ve been needing to hear.’”
The need for this message is what keeps Domitrz focused.
However, he is inspired by the faith of his sister Cheri,
a victim of rape.
Domitrz said Cheri told him she believes her sexual assault
opened the door to his ministry. “What more powerful
calling is there, than a survivor of sexual assault to
say that seeing me doing my work gives what she had to
go through a meaning and a purpose? There is no greater
inspiration for me than Cheri’s words…. That
is an act of faith that God has given us, and I ask God
for that direction to stay focused on that ministry each
night and day that I’m out there.” |
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