The heated debates over the
proposed Federal Marriage Amendment and amendments to
state constitutions across the country prohibiting same-sex
marriages reflect the emotionally charged issue of homosexuality
in our society. (In March, the state Senate and Assembly
passed a measure to clarify the institution of marriage
in Wisconsin, but before it can be enacted as a constitutional
amendment, the proposal needs to pass both houses in the
Legislature’s next session and be approved by voters
in a statewide referendum.) So, too, do talk radio shows
and editorial pages that mix words like “sexual
aberration” and “threat to marriage”
with “tolerance” and “homophobia.”
As Catholics, we may feel there is a fine line between
recognizing church teaching about homosexuality and treating
all human life with dignity. So, at times, we struggle
with our own feelings about homosexuals — particularly
if they are friends or even family members. Do we show
respect or aversion toward them? Fight for their rights
or protest their sexual expressions? And if we find it
difficult to reconcile these feelings in ourselves, how
do we teach our children what is right?
What does the church
say?
Most Catholics are aware of our faith’s teaching
that homosexual activity is morally wrong, but many may
believe the church condemns homosexuals themselves as
well. The “Catechism of the Catholic Church”
(no. 2358) states “(homosexual acts) are contrary
to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift
of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective
and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can
they be approved.”
Want to
learn more about the church’s teaching
on homosexuality?
Pick up a copy of “Catechism
of the Catholic Church,” Second Edition
(Doubleday 2003). Or check out “Always
Our Children: A Pastoral Message to Parents
of Homosexual Children and Suggestions for Pastoral
Ministers” on the U.S. Catholic Bishops’
Web site: <www.usccb.org>.
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But the same text also notes that since the root causes
of homosexual orientation have not been definitively determined,
persons shouldn’t be punished for having a same-sex
attraction: “The number of men and women who have
deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. They
do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of
them it is a trial. They must be accepted with respect,
compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination
in their regard should be avoided.”
It’s a point of difference that even the U.S. Catholic
bishops reiterated in a 1997 statement of the Bishops’
Committee on Marriage and Family entitled, “Always
Our Children: A Pastoral Message to Parents of Homosexual
Children,” which reads “… the church
teaches that homogenital behavior is objectively immoral,
while making the important distinction between this behavior
and a homosexual orientation, which is not immoral in
itself. It is also important to recognize that neither
a homosexual orientation, nor a heterosexual one, leads
inevitably to sexual activity. One’s total personhood
is not reducible to sexual orientation or behavior.”
But homosexuals, like single heterosexuals, are called
to live chaste lives, meaning no sexual activity outside
of a valid, heterosexual marriage, the bishops explain.
So homosexuals, then, can never engage in homosexual genital
activity.
“Certainly the church has come a long way in relation
to homosexuality,” said Fr. Michael Hammer, coordinator
of the Catholic AIDS Ministry program in the Milwaukee
Archdiocese. “Now it will admit to the fact that
there are determined homosexuals, that homosexuality isn’t
just an aberration that you chose.”
Fr. Hammer said he tells those who question him about
homosexuals in the church that all people are God’s
children, despite the differences among them.
“And as a result of those differences, in our growth,
we have to make different choices, not in terms of homosexuality,
but in terms of how we grow in God’s ways,”
he said. “So someone who is heterosexual has to
look at what are the ways they in which they best come
to God, and so do homosexuals. The difficulty is we don’t
allow (homosexual) genital expression. That’s really
the difference.”
What should we say
to kids?
Using that difference is one way to begin teaching children
about homosexuality, some parents and educators believe.
“The basic distinction between hating the sin and
loving the sinner is familiar to us all, and that would
be the starting point of the way to teach our children
(about homosexuality),” wrote Christopher Wolfe,
a Marquette University political science professor and
the father of 10, in an e-mail to the Catholic Herald.
Wolfe said he would also help children distinguish between
same-sex attraction and same-sex activity. “We should
have sympathy for (homosexuals), and we should remember
that many good people have had these desires, but have
not acted on them, the same way that married heterosexuals
may be attracted to someone besides their spouse but don’t
act on it, or the way an unmarried heterosexual person
may have sexual desires but does not act on them.
“Unfortunately, many people today are confused and
think that sex is OK even between unmarried people and
between people of different sexes. We have to pray for
them because it really contributes to their unhappiness,
and often means physical harm to them, and try to help
other people understand God’s real design for sex
in our lives.”
David Prothero, director for Catholic education in the
Milwaukee archdiocesan office for schools and child/youth
ministries, said the topic of homosexuality is addressed
in several of the Catholic Family Life textbook series
used in seventh and eighth grades, as well as in high
schools in the diocese.
In all cases, he said in an e-mail to the Catholic Herald,
diocesan schools and religious education programs use
such resources as “Always Our Children,” the
Catechism of the Catholic Church, and the Pontifical Council
for the Family document, “The Truth and Meaning
of Human Sexuality”as a basis for teaching students
about homosexuality.
As does School Sister of Notre Dame Kieran Sawyer, director
of the Tyme Out Youth Ministry Center in Stone Bank.
Sr. Sawyer wrote “Sex and the Teenager: Choices
and Decisions,” and frequently uses the book in
relationship retreats for teen-agers that focus on sexuality.
In a chapter on sexual orientation, she uses passages
from the Catechism and “Always Our Children,”
as well as reminders of the church’s teaching that
all sexual activity outside of a valid, heterosexual marriage
is sinful.
She also examines homophobia — the fear or hatred
of homosexuals — and offers a message to homosexual
teens on such topics as self-worth and support groups.
“I want the kids to know the difference between
homosexual orientation and homosexual activity, and that
it is only the latter that is considered by the church
to be sinful,” Sr. Sawyer wrote in an e-mail to
the Catholic Herald. “My big concern is always for
the teens sitting there in the group who may know (or
may be suspecting) that they themselves have homosexual
tendencies. I want them to know — as I want every
child to know — that God created them for love —
love for God, love for others, love for themselves. I
want to teach them, as I teach every child, that learning
to love well is the greatest task in life. This task may
be more difficult for persons born with a homosexual orientation,
but it certainly is possible for them.”
The wrong message?
Yet others are concerned that some Catholic educators
aren’t promoting tolerance, but instead encouraging
prurience in homosexuality.
An article in the January/February 2004 issue of the newsletter
published by the St. Gregory VII chapter of Catholics
United for the Faith questions the appropriateness of
a Gay Straight Alliance club at Milwaukee’s Pius
XI High School.
The article notes that while the school’s Web site
touts some of the club’s activities — including
a bimonthly lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender movie
night at the school library and participation in a national
Day of Silence, an annual show of solidarity for gays
and lesbians originated by the New York-based Gay, Lesbian
and Straight Education Network — it “makes
no mention of any activity directing the students to the
moral teachings of the Catholic Church, or the grave obligation
to obey these teachings. The club sounds like a pro-homosexual
advocacy group.”
Al Szews, president of the local CUF chapter, and his
wife, Margo, see the GSA as a tacit endorsement of homosexuality.
“One of the fundamentals we’re taught is to
love the sinner and not the sin. We can tolerate the individual,
but we cannot tolerate what that individual does,”
Al Szews said. “We must certainly deal with an individual
that has the unfortunate same-sex attraction problem as
an individual that might be born without some of his fingers
or one of his limbs. You help him in any way you can to
live a normal life, but you do not celebrate the infirmity.
“This shouldn’t be in a Catholic high
school. It is certainly contrary to what the Catholic
Church believes and teaches, and I think that there certainly
seems to be, in my opinion, some problem with truth in
advertising here. Why should we call this place a Catholic
school anymore?”
“This is just a scandal
and a travesty having a group like that approved by the
school and active as a club,” Margo Szews said.
“I think it certainly indicates approval to the
students, and unfortunately, it becomes a recruitment
ploy. Many of these Gay Straight Alliances really are
recruitment programs.”
Pius XI principal, Richard Pendergast, has heard both
positive and negative feedback about the school’s
four-year-old GSA, which has about 20 student members.
But he disagrees with those who say the group promotes
homosexual activity.
“I try to explain that what we are doing is directly
in line with the Catholic Church’s teachings on
homosexuals,” he wrote in an e-mail to the Catholic
Herald. “I try to draw comparisons to the civil
rights activities of the 1960s and 1970s. And, finally,
I try to point out that as the principal of a Catholic
school, I believe it is important for my students to put
their faith in action. They have spent years studying
about Jesus’ message about loving our neighbors
and not being judgmental. This is an opportunity to face
an attack on a fellow human being’s dignity and
decide what the correct response is.”
Pendergast cited the GSA’s constitution, which states
its purpose “is to provide a safe, welcoming and
accepting school environment for all youth,” and
the group’s goals, which include educating staff
and students about such issues as harassment.
“Attempting to provide a safe and welcoming school
environment for all students and working to reduce harassment
and discrimination seem very Catholic to me,” he
wrote. “We ultimately hope these students carry
these attitudes into their adult lives.”
In 2002, about 160 Pius XI students participated in the
Day of Silence by not speaking as a sign of protest against
discrimination of homosexuals.
Campus minister Michael Witte remembered fielding angry
phone calls and watching picketers from a group called
Wisconsin Christians United outside the school that day.
A couple of the school’s coaches even threatened
to quit over the event.
“I sat with one of the coaches, who was not Catholic
— he was non-denominational — but he was really
earnestly saying, ‘I just don’t think I can
work in a school that supports this,’” Witte
recalled. “To him, it sounded like this student
alliance was promoting homosexuality. I said, ‘Really,
this is all about setting forth the principle that no
one should be mistreated.’ And with that, he was
able to say, ‘That I can support.’
“The alliance wants the Day of Silence to be about
tolerance for humanity, and that’s why, as a Catholic
school, not only do we not have a problem with it, but
feel that it’s very much in keeping with what we
want our students to be learning.”
School and parental
education
Concern over feedback on such an emotionally charged issue
as homosexuality has made many schools anxious to avoid
any spotlight on their own programs. At one area high
school, a theology instructor who did not want to be identified
declined to be interviewed for this article, calling the
subject “a thorny issue.” Several other Catholic
teachers and principals never responded to a reporter’s
requests for information on how — or if —
their schools broach the topic.
Claire Anderson, the youth and young adult minister at
St. Robert Parish, Shorewood, said although she thinks
the subject of homosexuality should be part of the religious
education curriculum at the parish, it isn’t, primarily
because instructors need to cover so much material over
a limited period of time. Yet student questions on homosexuality
that are brought up during class discussions are addressed
— and they are brought up often in the year, she
said.
But Anderson believes handling questions in the classroom
isn’t enough. “It might be fine — and
effective — to cover this topic with teen-agers
in a small group setting, for example,” she said.
“But I think it’s only a stop-gap measure
to bridge the topic with teens.”
What she’d rather see is a formation session for
parents and teens on this, and other topics. Too often,
she said, Christian formation ends with high school religious
education classes, although adults continue to face questions
dealing with their faith throughout their lives. She’d
prefer to see more parishes offer adult formation classes
that would help parents talk to their teens about issues
like homosexuality.
Sometimes, however, teens can be reluctant to bring up
sensitive questions in class.
“Kids don’t raise that topic often,”
said Gerry Wolf, the director of Christian formation at
St. Agnes Parish, Butler. “I’ve been the one
who’s had to initiate the conversation because a
lot of kids don’t want to put themselves out there
with an opinion. Maybe they’re not sure, or maybe
they think their opinion will be ridiculed by someone.
It’s a polarizing issue, and kids avoid that.”
Wolf said even his own five children — ranging in
age from 19 to 12 — don’t bring up homosexuality
openly at home, so he and his wife look for opportunities
to talk about it while watching television or eating dinner.
“One of my kids might say something derogatory that
they heard on the playground. ‘That’s gay.’
My wife and I will say, ‘You know, we really don’t
like that term. I know it’s something you hear every
day, but that does not really describe people who are
homosexual. Some of them might describe themselves that
way, but it doesn’t begin to take into account all
that that means.’”
And parents who take the time to grow in their faith may
find it easier to teach their children — and accept
them, believes Daniel Maguire, a professor who teaches
moral theology and ethics at Marquette University.
In an e-mail to the Catholic Herald, he wrote, “When
I teach a class of some 40 students at Marquette, I tell
them that if most marry and have a child or two, the odds
are that I am looking at the parents of at least four
or five gay or lesbian children. With that I ask them
to adjust their attitudes to sexual minorities so that
if a child of theirs is gay, the child will know that
the first person they can talk to about it is mom or dad.”
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