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One-on-one
with children,
grandchildren is way to go |
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In the spring of 2003 I wrote a column about taking my
son Michael on a trip to Florida to celebrate his 30th
birthday. It was the first time my son and I had ever
been alone for that long and those five days were magical.
The column was mostly a humorous look at the two times
I, a non-golfer, took him golfing.
After the column was published a woman wrote a letter
to the editor criticizing the very idea that I would even
take my son alone on a vacation and leave his wife and
three children behind. She said, “It seemed sort
of selfish that she pulled her son away from his family.”
She ended her letter by saying, “Her time is done.
You take the whole family package, not just who you want.”
I giggled, shook my head and thanked the good Lord that
I have such a wonderful family of children, in-laws and
grandchildren who understand and appreciate my one-on-one
way of doing things.
It began when my children were very young. Before Christmas
I would take each of them Christmas shopping alone with
me. We’d make a day of it. The day included helping
them buy gifts for their siblings and anyone else on their
list, plus, when they were teen-agers, their own gifts
(which I’d take home, gift wrap and put under the
tree), then lunch and perhaps a movie to round out our
one-on-one shopping day.
Then, as I raised my four as a single parent, I continued
my theory that all children are desperate to spend time
alone with their parents.
I took each of my children on a trip alone with me when
they were in high school. I took Jeanne to New York and
Julia to California and then when all three of the older
kids were in college, I took Andrew, my youngest, on lots
of trips alone with me. But Michael never got his trip
because he was in so many activities in high school and
always had a part-time job.
OK, here comes the confession. At least one time per child
when they were in high school I let them skip school,
the girls on their birthdays and the boys on opening day
for the Milwaukee Brewers. Each child and I spent the
whole day having an adventure: shopping and lunch with
the girls and “Batter up, pass the popcorn!”
with the boys. “Best high school memory, ever”
my daughter said to me recently.
Fast-forward 10 or 12 years. Now my oldest three are married.
Two of them each have three children. And get this. I
still choose one-on-one time with my children and grandchildren.
To answer the woman’s question about whether I was
going to take my son’s wife on a trip alone, why,
yes, of course! Even before her letter-to-the-editor appeared,
I had made arrangements with my darling daughter-in-law
Amy to take her to Florida alone with me. We’re
going for a week in January. When Michael and I were in
Florida we went golfing and deep sea fishing. Amy and
I will lounge at the pool, visit the shops in Tarpon Springs
along the sponge docks, take long bike rides, see Gulf
sunsets, visit a museum or a craft fair and talk our fool
heads off. I can hardly wait to spend a week, just Amy
and me.
I don’t want to shock the letter writer, but here
goes. I also don’t invite my grandchildren to my
house all at the same time. Since the six of them live
80 and 100 miles from me, I only take them one-at-a-time
for two-to-three days at a time.
One weekend this summer I had 4-year-old Casey here for
three days. We went to the zoo, the beach, and played
together outside drawing race car tracks with chalk on
the driveway. Then 7-year-old Hannah came for her summer
visit. We did a little shopping, went to a movie, played
bank, read books, had a tea party. Then 10-year-old Hailey
arrived for three days. She and I went to a parade, did
some crafts, went shopping for school supplies and took
a long bike ride. Five-year-old Zachary is coming next
month for his long weekend, including skipping a day of
kindergarten because his parents believe so strongly in
the one-on-one theory of grandma visits. When Riley and
Chloe are 4-years-old and ready for an overnight alone
with Grandma Pat, they’ll have their turns.
All I know is the kids love their time alone with me.
They look forward to getting all my attention, all my
time, devotion and the fact that I choose activities that
really interest them.
The thought of going on vacation with Michael and Amy
and their three children and riding with the five of them
in a van to who knows where, gives me the heebie jeebies.
That would not be a vacation that I would enjoy at all.
But give me one child or one grandchild and I’m
ready to hit the road, have an adventure and get to know
that particular delightful human being a little better.
For me anyway, one-on-one is the only way to go.
(Lorenz is a mother of four, who, after 30 years of
parenting, is now an empty nester who spends most of her
time writing and giving speeches.) |
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