Catholic Herald Parenting™

May 6, 1973. My first Communion. It was a day I still remember vividly. I suspect it's a memorable event in the faith lives of most Catholics.

The feeling of growing up into a larger community and feeling very important for achieving such a milestone is what stands out for me. I also recall the gathering of many friends and family, and of receiving a brand-new bike from my parents. (My mom would also tell you the day was memorable because I ate the candy Bible that adorned my cake, but again, that's her story to tell.)

	Home Base

As I begin the journey again, this time with my 8-year-old daughter, I see the days to come through her eyes, but with an adult perspective. I'm naturally concerned about how much of the profoundness of the sacrament she will grasp, and how much of her attention it will garner.

Are today's kids simply too worldly and distracted by age 8 for it to mean what it did to my generation? After talking with several religious education directors and religious goods suppliers, I'm confident the answer is no.

"Everyone is at different levels of understanding of Eucharist," said Debbie Melian, coordinator of the first Eucharist program at St. John the Evangelist Parish, Greenfield, for six years. "Some have a more profound understanding of the sacrament than others, but the trick is to bring it to their understanding by using examples. We've found that any of these kids can grasp the very heavy theology of transubstantiation ... there seems to be a grace at work, and all of the kids do understand."

(Transubstantiation is the term for the eucharistic mystery, the "change of substance" of bread into the Body of Christ and wine into the Blood of Christ during the consecration at Mass.)

Joanne Prei, director of Christian formation at St. Mary Church, Hales Corners, and director of religious education since 1977, agreed.

Communion guide available online Wonder what your child should wear for his or her first Communion? Should godparents play a role in the celebration? Can unbaptized children make their first Communion? For answers to these and other questions regarding the Sacrament of First Eucharist, visit the Milwaukee archdiocesan Web site: www.archmil.org The Liturgical Commission of the archdiocese has compiled a guide, "Celebrating First Communion," which answers these and other questions regarding the sacrament.

"We ask the kids to think about the things that they can't completely understand, but take on faith. And our faith says to us that Jesus took that bread and blessed and gave it to his disciples and said, 'This is my body.' And he took that wine and said, 'This is my blood.' That is what we take on faith. When we receive that bread and wine, it is Jesus' body and blood."

Family role -- or lack of -- is key

The role of the family of the communicant can never be ignored, according to those involved in preparation for first Communion.

"I think the only thing that would be acting to create a problem would be the children's background as they're growing up," said Melian. "How much is being taught at home? Are they going to church on a regular basis? If they don't, that could be a factor. Whether or not the family prays at home could be a factor. And you can tell which kids have had that type of environment and which have not."

However, Prei said even though there may have been an absence of formal religious teaching at home, other daily home rituals might be a foundation on which to build.

"My philosophy is that catechism goes on in homes, they just haven't learned the terminology for it. We're a very ritualistic church. So I ask families who feel they've 'been away' what they do on a daily basis. What do you do for dinner? Who sets the table? That's ritual, and it is a place for them to connect with the process of first Eucharist."

Preparation involves parental instruction

The nine-week period prior to the first Eucharist celebration at St. Mary includes parental instruction. While their children attend the Monday night classes, parents are in refresher classes on the liturgy and the sacrament.

With families' hectic lifestyles today, the increased time constraints placed on families' schedules pose some conflict, agreed the religious educators.

"I think the family has a lot of responsibilities these days," said Prei. "I think it's a very big drain and that's why when we do things here at the parish, we try to look at the family perspective."

She said they try to schedule meetings for parents while the children are in session.

"As long as the children are here, what can we do with the parents, rather than call them back at another time?" said Prei.

"No one is ever denied the sacrament based on participation," Prei added.

The process differs among parishes, with some like St. John offering the catechism during the daily school curriculum, and for public school children in religious education being instructed during their regularly scheduled weekly classes. Others, like St. Mary, separate the program completely from the "regular" religious instruction.

"It is a sacrament of the community," explained Prei. "We're bringing all children of the parish together for the sacrament, and that's real important. The kids recognize each other at Mass, and they can learn from each other. It's seen as a community sacrament and therefore should be experienced as a community."

According to Melian, the text books used now are more in line with the catechism of the church. "That probably wasn't true 10 years ago," she added.

Prei agreed, "I think we have learned through the different sciences and education that children learn differently, and so we have to incorporate some of those different styles into what we do. We can no longer have just paperwork and books. ... It has changed, and we'd better stay with it."

She also added, "There's nothing that can replace hands-on learning. There still is that hands-on tasting of the bread, that still is very important.

"The other part of the instruction is to help children understand what the liturgy is," continued Prei. "It is a prayer of our faith, and in that celebration of that prayer, we receive a very special gift, namely Jesus."

Clothes, accessories are part of celebration

New clothes and accessories, as well as the party thrown after Mass, usually with relatives bearing gifts, is more a continuation of the liturgical celebration, rather than a conflict of interest, according to Prei, Melian and retailers of Eucharist merchandise.

"Our closing at the end of Mass is, 'Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.' Part of that loving and serving the Lord is to continue that celebration of what we've just experienced at the Eucharist," said Prei.

Jesuit Fr. Cletus Healy, who runs Catholic Books and Gifts in West Allis, agreed that the turn out of many relatives helps to emphasize the importance of the event.

"The celebration itself helps with the memory, especially when the child sees the outpouring of support from the relatives," Healy said, adding, "People need to focus on the spiritual, and choosing gifts of prayer books, rosaries and scapulars are certainly ways of emphasizing the spiritual."

Sherry Johnson, a wholesaler of communion dresses in Muskego, also recognized that the spiritual aspect of the event is very much a part of her business.

"No doubt, it is a very important religious day, and for my clients, it's tradition within their own families more so than doing what others are doing that drives their choices," Johnson said. "There are the frills in the dressing as well, but I think that's just because we are more lucrative now than in the past, but especially for girls, it is a symbol ... this is just one of three special days in their church that they will wear that white gown: one being their baptism, then first Communion, and again when they get married."

As Melian explained, "It's so beautiful to see these angels walking down the aisle.... I get teary-eyed every time I see them. You see the smiles on their faces and you know that Jesus is a part of it in a very special way, and they just glow. Then we know we've done everything we can."