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It used to be so simple. The kids would mark up the Sears Toy Book catalog, carefully cross-referencing their lists to Santa Claus with the exact page number and catalog order number of each request. The parents would somehow buy and wrap the gifts, prepare the feast and voila, everyone had a merry Christmas.

So what changed?

Well, the biggest thing probably is now we're the parents -- and everything looks a lot more complicated from this end. There's a bit more pressure when you're the one orchestrating the holiday rather than simply sitting back and taking it all for granted.

And it seems, too, that there's a lot more to orchestrate.

Do we really want our kids spending hours sitting with the Toys R Us newspaper flier, becoming needier and greedier with every turn of the page? Shouldn't we be emphasizing the simpler joys of Christmas, coupled with a spirit of compassion and giving?

How do we best convey the importance of family -- by creating our own holiday traditions with Mass and a family meal, or by joining the feast at our parents' house and then heading across town to meet our in-laws for Christmas Mass?

And most important, how do we convey to our children the true meaning of the season, especially when we can barely figure out the simple logistics of it all?

Welcome to the season of peace, joy

Welcome to the holiday season, season of peace and joy. Or perhaps more accurately, guilt, stress and, if we're totally honest, perhaps even the tiniest little noodge of resentment.

"Why doesn't he do this? Why can't she help with that? Don't they appreciate me and everything I'm doing? These types of 'victim' thoughts are usually a pretty good sign that something is up, we're under a little too much stress and we need to do something differently," explained Patricia Clason, director of the Center for Creative Learning.

Clason, a member of SS. Peter and Paul Parish, presents seminars this time of year on handling holiday stress.

"Thoughts like: 'I feel so tired,' 'I'm not having any fun,' or any kind of 'What about me?' thoughts are also an indication that we're not taking care of ourselves, we've let things get out of whack. They're a sign that it's time to stop, slow down, look at what's going on."

Stop. Slow down. Look at what's going on.

	Many parishes offer handouts and workshops on reclaiming the meaning of the season. Take advantage of them. Talk to your children's religious education teachers about ways they've found to convey the spirit of the holiday.

That's easy enough to say. But the reality is: someone does have to buy all those gifts. Someone has to hide them and wrap them and get them under the beautifully-decorated Christmas tree. Someone has to bake the cookies and plan the holiday meal. Someone has to make this all happen without blowing the year's budget.

And someone really should coordinate volunteer projects so the kids understand the spirit of the holiday. Someone has to balance the getting with the giving. And now that someone has to slow down and bring some peace to the season, too? That's not fair.

No, but it's true. And it's not impossible. And really, it will make the season happier for everyone, that someone included.

Force yourself to step back

"You do need at some point to force yourself to take a step back," Clason explained. "When you're in the middle of it, the best and most important thing to do is stop and take a deep breath. Then look at it in the here and now. When you get angry or resentful about some little thing, ask yourself: 'If I didn't have all this stress, would this particular thing be bothering me now?'

"Nine times out of 10, the answer will be no. If I find myself resenting doing something, at that moment I need to stop and say: 'If I weren't carrying all this weight on my shoulders, would I still be angry or would I want to be doing this?' Be in the here and now. Make a choice. Realize that what you're doing at that moment is a choice, and you could choose differently. Bring yourself into the present moment."

Balance spiritual, commercial sides of holiday

And once you take that step back, it's important to realize you're not in this alone. Yes, it's difficult finding ways to balance the spiritual aspects of holiday with the gimme spirit of the commercial side. Yes, it's hard finding ways to explain Jesus to preschoolers who just want to talk about toys. And yes, it seems impossible at times to find any peace or joy in the season that brings with it so much pressure and responsibility.

But, fortunately for us, others have found ways to make it happen -- or at least come close. And many of them have shared their secrets in the form of many, many resources available for easing holiday stress. You don't have to reinvent this wheel. Take advantage of available resources, including the Web sites listed on this page [print edition only].

In addition, many parishes offer handouts and workshops on reclaiming the meaning of the season. Take advantage of them. Talk to your children's religious education teachers about ways they've found to convey the spirit of the holiday. And rather than dealing with the stress of trying to explain the Christmas story yourself, look into some of the Christmas books available on tape; your family can sit quietly together listening to them one evening when everyone needs a break.

And, perhaps most importantly, realize that none of this is going to happen if you don't take care of yourself.

"During the holiday time, it becomes even more crucial to have 'Be still' time, 'Talk to God' time, quiet time with the family," Clason says.

Now, just how do you prevent "Taking care of myself" from becoming one more thing to worry about on your endless holiday to-do list? That could be tricky. But generally, the same simple rules that apply to day-to-day living also apply here.

Lists take the stress off your memory

For starters, Clason advises that you keep lists.

"Our brains are extremely capable and have this amazing potential," she says. "But the fact is, our brains function very much like a computer -- both have a limited amount of random access memory. If you're using up all your memory on remembering these tasks, there's nothing available for creativity."

So just write it down, in whatever format works best for you.

Next, adopt healthy eating habits -- or at least give it a shot. After all, you'll probably be making a New Year's resolution to eat healthier and take better care of your body, so why not start now, when doing so can alleviate some of the holiday stress. Be aware of what you're eating and how it might affect your moods. And don't forget to drink plenty of water.

Thirdly -- and this one isn't fun, either -- set a budget and stick to it. You know it's important. And there are plenty of suggestions out there for making it happen. For instance, you can put everyone's allotted dollar amount into a separate envelope so that before you can overspend on one person's gift, you have to decide whose envelope to tear open and raid for the extra.

And when it comes to gift-giving, Clason recommends diverting the focus from the dollar value of gifts.

"If we tell our kids: 'Write down all the things you want for Christmas. Make a list for Santa Claus,' at some level, we're setting up the expectation they're going to get all that. We're encouraging this expectation and setting them up for disappointment," she said.

Focus on gifts from the heart

"Don't do it. Focus not on people's wish lists, but on gifts from the heart."

In the future, you might want to consider shopping for Christmas all year long. When you find a gift that says 'This is you,' you can buy it and drop it into a box or closet designated for that purpose. Such a system also takes some of the financial stress out of the season, Clason said.

Finally, when it comes to family, Clason says there are dysfunctional ones. And if yours is one of them, it's OK not to visit them at all.

"It's important to give yourself that permission," she said. "And if you do go, if you choose to be in an environment that's stressful, prepare yourself. Get enough sleep. You do not want to be hungry, lonely, angry or tired, because if you are it's just going to be more difficult. On the other hand, if you are in a resourceful place, you won't automatically turn into your 5-year-old self the minute you walk into the door."

Even if your family isn't seriously dysfunctional but just the normal garden variety kind, it still doesn't hurt to go into the celebrations well-rested and fed.

Stop. Slow down. Look at what's going on.

But most of all, remember: It's Christmas. And that gives us all permission to be a little bit of a kid again. So go out there and have some fun.