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	HAPPY BIRTHDAY -- Jeanne Mirsberger, right, and her daughter Kara sit in Kara's festively decorated bedroom on the day of her 13th birthday. The Mirsbergers belong to St. Anthony on the Lake Parish, Pewaukee. (Photo by Sam Lucero)

Birthdays celebrate people -- they rejoice in their lives. They are occasions to make individuals feel they are a treasure from God to be cherished. So how is it that birthday parties for children or youth often have parents rushing to rent an expensive ice skating rink or restaurant with a theme party, and spending big bucks on presents each year? Parents want their children to feel special and have special memories to hold on to as the years go by. But will those grandiose parties and presents actually be remembered? And what values do they teach our kids?

Traditions are what "have so much meaning" for children and youth when they celebrate a birthday, said Kathleen Amidei, director of Christian formation at St. Anthony on the Lake Parish, Pewaukee.

The Catholic Herald recently talked to parents, Amidei, and other adults who work with families for insight into life-giving birthday celebrations, rather than get-togethers based on extravagant outings or presents.

Amidei, mother of four children ages 12 to 22, stressed keeping birthday celebrations in perspective. "Really, the biggest gift we can communicate to our child is the realization when we awake in the morning of what a unique gift they are to us. While we want to celebrate birthdays, we don't want to over-emphasize (them). To over-emphasize material gifts is a real mistake."

While Amidei and her family have moved from parties with friends for each of her kids to sleepovers as they got older, she said, "I think what we don't want to do is escalate it -- (they don't) have to get bigger and better each year," she said of the celebrations.

For some birthdays, Amidei makes a special meatball and spaghetti recipe handed down from her grandmother. "It takes all day," she said. "We teach them specialness without it getting bigger and better."

Jeanne Mirsberger, a parent who also belongs to St. Anthony on the Lake, spoke of the unique things they do with their two children Kara, 13, and Evan, 8.

Since both of their children were adopted, she said they celebrate the day they arrived in the family, as well as their birthdays.

On the children's actual birthday she developed a tradition of decorating the children's rooms while they are sleeping. When they awake, they are surrounded by a roomful of rainbow streamers and decorations, the work of the "birthday fairy."

It was Kara's 13th birthday on this day of this interview and Mirsberger had decided that Kara, at 13, wouldn't want her room decorated.

Think again, mom. Mirsberger was greeted by Kara that morning who asked why her room wasn't decorated. So Mirsberger hurried home before Kara arrived from school to have the traditional decorations in place with "Happy Birthday" written on her mirror in lipstick.

"At 13, I really wanted Kara to realize that's she's a gift in our lives," she said, explaining how she enlarged several photos of memorable events in her life, such as first Communion and trips to the beach. She wrote memories to accompany each photo. "Then I invited and asked relatives to come over and share a special moment in their interaction with Kara. In that way we showed her how much we loved her. That really surprised her," said Mirsberger.

Kara also celebrated her birthday with her family and two of her close friends at the Olive Garden Restaurant.

For Evan, ever since he was almost 3 years old, he's asked for a special Korean dish called bulgogi, a barbecued beef dish with green onions, sesame oil and soy sauce, for his birthday.

For parents who have the time and imagination, there are numerous resources (see page 7 of Catholic Herald Parenting print edition -- subscribe here).

Lisa Hollman, a parent of four young children, ages 6 months to 7, consistently comes up with inexpensive, but fun ideas for her kids. For her son Mitchell's fifth birthday she used the local Big Bend Lion's Club Hall free of charge from a friend, who is a member.

Then she rented a big trunk of dress up clothes for about $30, and brought in a cake and all the trimmings. The kids had a blast dressing up in the make believe outfits, she said.

Just for fun, for one of her sons she had a "Captain Hook Party" at their home. She fashioned a pirate cake with sails on top of it out of straws and paper. She gave each of the kids a little bag and drew a treasure map for their yard, where each of them would find small plastic gold coins, as well as spyglasses. Hollman used the same map for each of them, but put x's in different spots for each treasure.

Not too long ago, when her daughter Meredith turned 7, Hollman found a place outside their home so they could do a creative craft -- she didn't want the mess to clean up afterwards. Michael's Craft Store (various locations) has inexpensive craft parties, so she arranged for Meredith and her friends to make trinket boxes, decorating them with sequins and beads. She also brought birthday cake for them to enjoy after the craft was done.

Hollman, who's a member of St. Joseph Parish, Big Bend, said she doesn't think parents need to go overboard in trying to create wonderful memories for kids. Each child is unique, she said. "Memories will pick them. They will remember family and friends. Sometimes you plan things and they're too big, it gets crazy."

For parents who work long hours outside the home and are especially busy, there are wonderful birthday places in the community which aren't outrageously expensive. One of these, Wee Imagine, in the 1800s-style Market Place at Oak Creek offers four party packages. Among the options are a dress-up tea party for girls which includes having their nails done and cake or a large cookie, with ice cream and a beverage as part of the party. Children also get to pick several trinkets or treasures to take home. For boys there's a similar pirate party with a treasure hunt and treats. Packages start at $85 for six children.

Time to Kiln, on the east side of Milwaukee, is one of the many ceramic places which offer birthday parties for any number of kids.

For one package each child selects a bowl, plate or cup to paint, which is then glazed and fired in the kiln. All the kids also decorate one large plate for the birthday boy or girl. Parents can bring in birthday cake and punch to enjoy afterwards. The cost is $14 per child, but each child takes home something they can enjoy and use.

At St. Stephen Family Life Center, Milwaukee, director Anita Hallman Kowalski said she suggests parents, after the birth or baptism of their child, create new family rituals.

One suggestion is incorporating into a birthday celebration the meaning of their child's name and why there were given that name. "Hispanics celebrate their name day more than their birthday," she noted.

To this day, Kowalski bakes banana bread for her son Joe on his special day -- he just turned 40. "People make fun of this, but instead of a birthday cake he wants the banana bread, which he loves. It reminds him of how special he was and is. It's such a simple thing to do," she said. But ooh ... how personal for a birth-day.