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	MINUTES WITH MARY -- Linda Schulz holds her daughter Mary, only minutes before Mary's death of a rare infant disorder earlier this year. The loss of her child changed her life, Schulz said, and some of the changes have made her stronger.

Linda Schulz, a member of Holy Family Parish in Whitefish Bay, originally wrote the following as an entry in her journal, something a grief counselor suggested after Schulz's daughter, Mary, died unexpectedly of neonatal hemochromotosis -- a genetic disorder -- on March 18, two days after she was born.

"(The entry was written) before the sad events in September... and it helped me realize the progress I made," Schulz wrote in a letter to the Catholic Herald. "With so many people grieving today, I thought this may help others."

When we were expecting our fourth child, we were filled with joy and anticipation for our baby. After having an ultrasound and amniocentesis, we thought we had a reassurance that soon we would be holding our healthy baby. The birth of a baby is a beautiful miracle that perhaps we have come to take for granted. For months we prepared for our baby's birth. Mary was born, and passed away two days later. Nothing could have prepared us for this. We left the hospital with empty arms and in a state of shock.

Life doesn't always go as we plan, but it is from our hardest challenges that we grow. This was the time that I was supposed to teach Mary about life, but instead she is teaching me. Days after Mary passed away, I read in one of my 'Empty Arms' books that life will never be the same. In that time of shock and despair, it scared me to hear that. Did that mean that this unbearable pain will never go away?

All those years that I bought sympathy cards for others that said "May God give you strength and comfort you during this difficult time," I never once really knew the meaning of that. Now I know that it is exactly what happens. And instead of me praying for Mary, she is praying and watching over her family. I will never forget the week after Mary died, my neighbor gave me an angel charm. That night when I put it on, this incredibly peaceful feeling overcame me. What it felt like was Mary entering my heart, and it's like having a part of heaven so very close to you.

I've come to learn that grieving brings about a vast array of emotions. I'm beginning to understand the ups and downs of the grieving process. When things, songs, babies, etc. remind me of her not being here with us, the pain is quite unbearable. But then there are the memories of her in our arms, the memories of her beautiful birth, the memories of her response to my voice that are so precious. I never want to forget that. And knowing that her spirit lives on in heaven gives me a sense of peace that I've never known before. Mary brings a piece of heaven in my heart. And I know that someday we will be together again.

Although we wish we could enjoy her physical presence, we try to remain focused on her spirit. The children have on their own found ways to do so, too. On our 4-year-old son's birthday, the children picked flowers, tied them on the string on the helium balloon, and let the balloon go. They told me that they were sending flowers to Mary. In many ways they show that she is a big part of their lives.

Once, when with a friend, we were laughing and she asked me, so are you over Mary now? In astonishment, I thought nothing could be further from the truth. You never forget, you never get over it, and you are never the same. But you do go on with life, you make peace, and cherish the memories that you have.

So can life ever be the same after such a tremendous loss? No, it cannot. You learn that life is sacred, and you can never take that for granted again. Mary has only been gone from us for a few months. And although the grief can be so overwhelming, she has already made me a stronger, better person. As I go through life I truly cherish my children and other people. Little things don't upset me as much. I am more empathetic toward others. And I feel a closer relationship to God as I felt His great presence comfort me. As Mary would want, I will use this strength to be a better parent to our children, and a better person to all. Thank you, Mary, for these lessons of life, and I am grateful for your presence in our lives.