Serving the people of the Archdiocese of Milwaukee
By Peg Flahive - Special to Parenting
As I look out my window, the trees are bare and the ground is covered with snow. However, there are two 8-year-olds running through the house ready for green grass, flowers, and the excitement of spring! My twins, Sam and Jessica, attend second grade at St. Monica Elementary School in Whitefish Bay. They will make their first Communion on May 14 and are looking forward to it.
Like all children, they are naturally curious. This is even more apparent as they approach an event as "mysterious" as first Communion. Questions have come up about the taste of the wine, how long the host lasts, what happens, what if someone trips, etc. I anticipate more questions as the date draws nearer. We have talked about the word Eucharist as meaning "giving thanks." The focus is on Jesus, as God's greatest gift. They are learning the sacrament of Eucharist is a tremendous gift from Jesus.
Second-graders relate to this by naming gifts and blessings in their own lives and learning to thank God every day. They think about what they are grateful for, and how we praise God. The children express this by writing, drawing pictures, and talking about it in class and at home. The blessings my twins wrote about included Mom, Dad, best friends, family, food and water, and of course toys.
Before our evening meal we say a traditional prayer and then name what we are grateful for that day. This helps to reinforce that all days, even "bad" days, have blessings and holy moments. In line with 8-year-old gratitude, there are comments like, "Thank you God for Ellie who is Star of the Week," or "Thank you God for Valentine candy," or "Thank you God for the foot-long hot dog for lunch." Usually there is some mention of the Packers or Bucks as well.
Preparation for first Communion is shared by teachers and parents. St. Monica offers two sessions for parents of first Communicants. These meetings include basic "reminder" catechesis for adults, as well as providing all the details and expectations of the event itself.
A handy "check-list" now hangs on the refrigerator among all the photos and drawings. Every month there is something new to do or find. Last month, we spent three hours searching closets for baptismal candles and certificates. We finally found them buried in a box of baby pictures, inoculation records, and formula coupons. We turned them in along with a Pledge of Commitment that all parents were asked to sign.
Another step in the preparation process is to talk about family celebrations. This helps the children notice the times in their lives when God seems near. Like our daily blessing, we share how God has touched our lives during both happy and sad moments, such as friends who are having babies or remembering loved ones who have died.
We talk about the work that goes into preparing for a special celebration. We looked back on the time spent planning the Christmas party when we hosted 22 people. We created a menu, made invitations, cleaned, cooked, and decorated the house. This discussion helped them to understand that sacraments are special celebrations, too, and they call for careful preparation.
Soon all the second-graders will make altar cloth symbols and banners. They'll practice trying not to squirm so much in their pews and will process to the front of church and back again. They'll rehearse, substituting graham crackers for consecrated hosts. They'll try to understand what it means to receive Body and Blood in Communion. I can't remember what I thought when I was 8, but "heavenly food" must be a tough concept at that age.
Thinking ahead to Easter break, we're planning a few field trips on our own. One will be to a local bakery to see how they make all those loaves of bread. The other will be to a winery near the Wisconsin River, to see the process of making wine.
I thought of these outings as I remembered what a friend and former teacher did to help her students understand baptism. She had them experience the importance of water and its power by taking them to a dam a few hours away. They could see it, smell it, hear it, and feel it. Getting the senses involved made a great impact and left lasting memories.
Sam and Jessie are excited about first Communion even though it is weeks away. When asked why she is excited, Jessie replied, "Because it's another sacrament, and sacraments mean I'm Catholic, and Catholic means being closer to Jesus." Not bad logic for an 8-year-old!
Of course there's the anticipation of getting fancy, new clothes, inviting family members to the Mass, throwing a party, receiving cards in the mail, and having a day off of school. There's anxiety, too, about getting up in front of all those people.
My children will make their first Communion in a smaller celebration with six other children. This option offered by St. Monica will make it a more personalized experience for them as they sit up front with their family, bring up the gifts with other first communicants, and join Father around the altar. The majority of the second grade will celebrate the prior Sunday.
Helping my children prepare for first Communion certainly causes me to reflect. They are changing and developing so quickly. It seems just yesterday that we were preparing for baptism. I look at them, and I see their bodies growing and their minds expanding every day.
I am proud of who they are becoming and their new understandings of faith. What better gift for May 14, Mother's Day?
Patricia Lorenz - Special to Parenting
Over the years people have asked me when and how and why did I start writing. I tell them I read once that 80 percent of all writers start writing because of the death of someone they love. In my case, it was my mother's death in 1979 when she was only 57 that inspired me.
The problem with writing about a departed loved one is that the stories about your mother or Grandma Annie, Uncle Jake or Great Aunt Betty rarely get published. Magazines refer to them as dead grandma stories because they're generally a means of catharsis for the bereaved, rather than a real story with a good takeaway message for the reader. Dead grandma stories almost always end up in editorial wastebaskets.
With that in mind, I beg your patience as I share a dead grandma story with you. This one is about my Aunt Mary, mother of 11, grandmother of 25 and great-grandmother of 15.
When Aunt Mary, age 85, died in February, I drove to my hometown, Rock Falls, Ill., to attend the funeral. Luckily, I'd just been home three weeks earlier and visited Aunt Mary in the nursing home. I did my grieving during and after that visit. Aunt Mary was not happy there.
Her body was a withered pain-filled shell of her former vibrant self. Her laughing, dancing days were over and life was reduced to short visits with her children and grandchildren and begging for a drink of water as she plodded listlessly through her fluid-restricted diet.
The week before she died, Aunt Mary slipped and broke her hip. After surgery, the bishop of the Rockford Diocese, who happened to be in town for Catholic schools week, stopped in to see Aunt Mary at the hospital, thanks to his friendship with her son, Fr. Jerry, the pastor of a large church in Aurora, Ill. It was said at her funeral that the minute she saw the bishop in her hospital room, instead of greeting him, she immediately began saying the next decade of her rosary aloud at breakneck speed. She died peacefully two days later.
Aunt Mary's wake was in a word, fun. I mean really fun. Her children and their spouses took their positions at the front of the large room in the funeral home. Friends and relatives filed by and we hugged, talked, laughed and told stories. For four hours I jabbered with dozens of old friends and relatives I hadn't seen for years.
Aunt Mary's kids and I giggled about our days on the farm. We talked about Queeny, the too-fat, too-slow horse. About the elaborate tunnels we used to make upstairs in the barn with hundreds of bales of hay. About looking for tadpoles in the ditch along side the farmhouse. About the baseball games and rowdy dinners we cousins enjoyed together with Aunt Mary at the helm.
The next day the fun continued at Aunt Mary's funeral Mass. My folks and I arrived early and joined in the hug fest in the vestibule. More chatter and laughter continued as Fr. Jerry orchestrated the event including the arrival of 45 priests, the bishop and the bishop emeritus. When I saw what kind of a send-off the mother of a priest gets, I made a mental note to talk to my unmarried son about a possible vocation.
After Mass, our huge family reunion continued in the school cafeteria where we cousins had eaten every noon meal in grade school. We told more stories, laughed until our sides hurt, traded desserts and photos of our kids. During that lunch we elevated Aunt Mary to the status of sainthood as we recalled the unbending persistence and fortitude it took to raise 11 kids alone after Uncle Harry was killed in a farm accident when her children were six months old through age 19.
After lunch, dozens of cars lined up for the 10-mile parade to the cemetery next to the little country church where other family members are buried. After the graveside service in the bitter cold where siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles huddled together, arms linked in love and protection from the cold, we were treated to coffee and doughnuts in the hall of the little country church.
Again, for the fourth time in two days, we friends and relatives carried on the tradition of having more fun than should be legally permitted at a funeral. But we weren't there to cry, express regrets or to be sad.
We were there to celebrate. We celebrated Aunt Mary's zest for living and her devotion to her family. We celebrated life in general and I, for one, must confess that I'm rather looking forward to the next family funeral, hoping of course, that it's for someone whose time for a real reward has come. We think it might be feisty old Great Aunt Peggy.
But, of course, we're all hoping that she'll wait until after Dec. 1, 2000, so we can help her celebrate her 100th birthday.
In the meantime, I am just glad to be part of a religion that believes in life after death and one where the send-offs can be as much fun as family reunions.
(Lorenz, a mother of four grown children, resides in Oak Creek.)
James Pankratz - Special to Parenting
If you were a rich and famous movie star, would you travel around the world? Audrey Hepburn did. You may remember her as the chic and glamorous star of such Hollywood classics as "My Fair Lady," "Sabrina," and "Breakfast at Tiffany's." What you may not know is that after her Hollywood heyday, she became a tireless champion of children's rights. When she went to other countries, it was not as a movie star but as a spokeswoman for UNICEF, a program of the United Nations. What did she find? In the preface to "Betrayal: A Report on Violence Toward Children in Today's World," Hepburn writes: "During the past years I have traveled the world and seen these children ... leading lives of tremendous pain.... Ironically, as we move into another century, perhaps that is what ultimately unites us as a world: the fact that, no matter how prosperous the nation, how developed, all share the plight and embarrassment of having so many suffering children."
Roughly half the world's population is under 25. In "Betrayal," editor Caroline Moorehead takes readers on a world tour with true stories of children and their struggles.
In Sao Paulo, Brazil, we meet street children living permanently around the Cathedral Square. Their day begins with a swim in the polluted fountain. Then they begin scouting for chances to snatch wristwatches, necklaces, and portable electronic items.
They sniff glue to deaden their minds to the reality of their brutal existence. By afternoon they're reduced to zombies, staring blankly at the activity around them. Sexual experimentation begins early, at 8 or 9. Venereal diseases such as syphilis and gonorrhea are rampant.
How extensive is the problem of street children? The author estimates that in 1990 approximately 100 million children were living on the streets of the world's cities.
As we continue our world tour, we discover a thriving sex tourism industry in Thailand, the Philippines, South Korea, Indonesia, and Taiwan. However, child prostitution, beginning with boys and girls as young as 5, is not confined to Southeast Asia but exists in every country in which prostitution exists as an industry. It is hard to eradicate because it is protected by powerful interest groups.
Children are used not only as prostitutes, but as soldiers. In developing countries, paramilitary and guerrilla forces use children to fight their battles. The Quakers' U.N. office in Geneva has a list of countries in which children from 10 to 18 are undergoing military training. Countries in Asia, Africa and Latin America have child combatants. In the early 80s during the Iran-Iraq conflict, children as young as 10 were sent to the front as human mine detectors. Children have been tortured in Iraq, Afghanistan and Colombia to extract information about their parents.
In any age and country, war is the great enemy of children. Moorehead states that "of the estimated 20 million people who have died in armed conflicts since 1945, the majority are women and children."
War and natural disasters create refugees. Children are torn from any semblance of a consistent or secure daily life. The estimate is that in 1988 there were more than 12 million refugees worldwide, again mostly women and children. In Southern Africa alone, the refugee population reached 1.3 million. And in Latin America since the 1970s men, women and children of Argentina, El Salvador and Guatemala have "disappeared" as a form of government repression and terror that "leaves no martyrs."
It took until 1979 for the nations of the world to address the problem of the widespread abuse of children. Over a 10-year period, a working group made up of members of the U.N. Commission on Human Rights and independent delegations from non-member governments drafted what has become the most widely and rapidly ratified human rights treaty in history. On Nov. 20, 1989, the governments at the U.N. General Assembly agreed to adopt the convention into international law.
Like our Declaration of Independence, the convention's document concludes that all children are created equal in that they are entitled to certain inalienable rights. As we have seen in our three-article survey, this conclusion has not been "self-evident" throughout human history.
The Convention on the Rights of the Child proclaimed a new radical "vision of the child." Children are not the property of their parents nor merely objects of charity. They are "human beings and the subject of their own rights." To date the convention has been ratified by 191 countries. In fact, only two countries have not ratified. Can you guess which two?
The United States is the only industrialized country in the world, and one of only two U.N. member states (the other is Somalia), which has not ratified the treaty. The United States has signaled its intention to ratify. To learn what is holding it up and, more importantly to learn more about UNICEF and its support for children's rights, visit the UNICEF web site at www.unicef.org.
I saved the United States for last in our world tour, just in case you were feeling complacent about all the work that yet needs to be done on behalf of children right here at home.
(Pankratz is a marriage and family therapist in Catholic Charities' Milwaukee regional office.)
Copyright, 1997 by Catholic Herald, Milwaukee, WI
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